Midnight in the Garden.

I have been posting on all fronts less as I would like. Don’t tell anyone, but I don’t like being ‘on’ in the social media sense. Not all the time anyway. I see, and have always seen even back when the internet was two colors and called Compuserve, that any message left for all to read was hollering out into the void. I like that, you never know who will read, who will be affected, and who will respond. I think in the last 10 years people have become especially guarded though. It’s not like the 90’s where people were more interested in making friends vs getting something out of each other (just an impression though… people haven’t changed, just the culture a little bit).

So the show is done, and I have been working on fleshing out my presence on Etsy and my web store. I’m struggling to move forward now with the work. I want to do a few things. #1 is work on a stronger body of work and get represented, #2 Finish that line book and self publish that, #3 Get to work on model projects, #4 draw more and make more digital stuff. I know what I need to do, but my mind isn’t in the game in this exact moment, I can focus on the back end uploading and uplogging of the stuff that I have, which is also important.

My problem is I’ve been severely depressed lately. Not in that ‘a terrible thing has happened and I have a sad’ depression. For me this is a chronic thing, and I have found that unless you have been there yourself, you won’t understand. I don’t talk about it often, because it’s frankly annoying and besides, my family and friends are not there to be my therapists. My issues are just in my head and through right acting I can mediate through them. Some days are better than others, like right now I’m mostly fine, and all i really want is to sit with someone and rant about something (I do enjoy a good rant, it’s all yelling about something silly and pointless and it make me laugh and feel better).

But I am ‘in my own head too much’. It’s a problem I knew I would have when I stared working from home. I had a plan of action but no lie, I have not done my best in sticking to it. I try not to feel too guilty about that, nobody is perfect and if I do 75% of what I aim for it’s good (mostly because my own expectations are extremely high… hey if I don’t expect a lot out of me then who will?)

I have new drawings to upload, observational stuff, but they are in the car and I’m wearing my jam-jams, so that’ll have to happen in the future.

I have other things on my list, publishing stuff, reaching out to companies and such. I do better when action will deliver results. I’ve seen some this past week but I want more. I need a lot more.

Ah well, ain’t no rest for the wicked, no matter how the fee-fees are.

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